wendy's

I'm eating Wendy's in bed and wondering if I should stay up or not.

I hung out with Wiley after work, that was pretty cool.  I never realized that there was a guy that I could connect with so well at this point in my life.  We deal with girls the same way - that is, we fall in love far too easy and then wonder why things get so fucked up.  He made a good point, it's always the person who cares less who turns out okay.  I am very rarely that person.  It is so easy for me to care about people, I wish it wasn't sometimes though.  I wish there were a lot of people I didn't care about.  Or that cared about me.  People that I wish would love me the way I want them to love me.  It sucks.  It fucking sucks a stupid fucking flagpole or something else equally stupid.

God, I have no creative drive right now.  I'm just going to read Franny and Zooey until I fall asleep.

Outback is a weird place to work.  Getting paid is sort of a pain in the ass, you have to go when it's not busy to pick up tip share portions. It's sort of a ways drive from where I live, and driving out there only to hear "Nah, we're really busy, come back later," is really fucking annoying.  Oh well.

I took these traveler kids to do a photoshoot with Reed last night.  One had just finished detoxing from alcohol and the other was in the midst (kind of).  Everyone got drunk.  I kind of felt responsible, but for the most part I understood that they knew what they were doing.  They are in their little perspective bubble and they can't really understand what else to do, they know what they value now and that's what they live by.

I want to have some cash.  Dear work, please lighten up or do tipshares for people when you have spare time so they can just come pick them up.

i think yer cute

home. drunk. still.  Emily's back in town; she wasn't even supposed to come back. I don't know how or why to say anything.  She's with two other travelers, Eric and Susie (both dudes).   I'm taking them to see Reed tomorrow, that should be fun :P whatever. bluhbluhblahblahvja;drbvouigbe]yjn;ujmetumjndlyihbsruhn

hello

As this is my first post, I feel it necessary to introduce myself.

My name is George Talley, I'm 20, I live in Knoxville TN, I was a high school star and a college dropout. Fuckin, life is just mystifying. I'm hoping that putting my thoughts out there will help me work through my thoughts, because I hate talking to myself. Maybe that's all that will come of this, but it's the possibility of feedback that's important.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know why I've been so stuck as an irresponsible, dishonest person for so long. I feel distant from everyone I know and it's been getting so much worse recently. I want to be cared for and trusted and loved and I don't know how to get that anymore.

But who am I to insist that people think I'm something special? All I've done is let people down for the past 2 years. I've been unemployed for the past two months, I live with my parents, I don't even have my own fuckin car. I am nothing I value. I can't keep a decent relationship going with anyone. I'm unreliable. I am unworthy of love, in my eyes. And I don't see a way for that to change. I have nothing I'm proud of.

Well, so far this is going nowhere. I'll try again tomorrow.

[EDIT]

Okay, I think I'm going about this all wrong.  Let's go over some more....... mundane things.

I need to be asleep right now.  I have to be awake in like, 5 hours.  Taking pictures and hiking all day tomorrow for Legacy Parks :P bluhhhh.  Oh well, I said I'd do it, I can't exactly back out now.

Loren and Emily are coming back!  They should actually be in any moment.  They were only gone a week but it feels like it's been forever.  Loren and I have known each other for ages (since we were like, 13 [I think.... somewhere in there]).  He's a painter, another one of my art school drop-out friends.  Stay tuned for more info on that cat, he's bound to come up again.  Emily is his girlfriend.  They met at SCAD and she moved up here this past summer.  They've got an adorable second-floor apartment in this house in 4th and Gill.   I was hoping to party with them tonight, but that's going to have to wait til tomorrow looks like.  They apparently brought back quite a posse: three other people AND a dog.  Sounds like a shit-tastic drive.  Well, we'll see how things go.

Okay, for reals now, I have got to go to sleep.  'Night!